I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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