also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize