Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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