A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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