C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
