I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
