i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
