Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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