I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
