The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
