He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
