ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
