I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
