I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
