I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
