I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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