Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
