a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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