i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
