i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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