I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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