ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
