So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Randomize
