first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize