Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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