you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize