He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
