I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
