Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
