And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
