I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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