how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
