she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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