The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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