Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
