pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
3pm strippers are depressing
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
