Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
