i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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