She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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