She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
