Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
