Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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