At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
