Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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