is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
