She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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