Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
