My liver just broke up with me...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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