Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize