In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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