So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
