cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
