just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
