Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
MIDGETS
????
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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