No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
