I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
