Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
