guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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