i jhust puked up my retainher.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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