There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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