woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
