I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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