omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
