If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
