did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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