In the future we'll all be gay
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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