Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
