Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
