Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
