My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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