So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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