I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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