hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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