so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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