woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
