Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
