i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
