Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
