tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
