Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
