i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
