I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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