hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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