i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
