I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
