i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
