all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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