Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
