Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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