mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
