What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
