the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
