Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize