She is in my trunk
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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