Im at strip club and am horny
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
they're like a gay fantastic four
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
