There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
