I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
