i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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