Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
