My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
