I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
