I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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